If you have sleeves in your dress,

put pantyliners underneath your armpits

because it’ll soak up your sweat.

(jazzy Wedding March)

Must-have supplies for being a bridesmaid,

alcohol, camera at all times.

Deodorant, like a small go-to.

Bobby pins are a big one.

Chapstick.

And tissues.

You cry a lot.

Makeup and hair spray and band-aids and Neosporin

and a little bit of alcohol on hand.

Tampons.

Crazy glue and duct tape.

I’ve been a bridesmaid once.

Twice.

Three times this year.

Three times and about to be four.

I’ve been a bridesmaid five times.

Being a bridesmaid is constantly getting texts

and a group text all the time.

How much does it cost to be a bridesmaid?

It’s so expensive.

I wanna say upwards of $300?

$600?

Maybe $800.

$300, but then tailoring is another $200 plus.

The baseline of the dress was around $300,

but because I’m a plus size, there’s the surcharge on that.

The whole package–

At minimum $1,000 a person.

Could be anywhere between $2-3,000.

It’s just, here’s my firstborn, I guess.

One time I was a bridesmaid in a wedding

that took place on St. Patrick’s Day.

The dress was green and I looked like a big green bean.

Short and teal, and we’re going to be wearing

it with cowboy boots.

A sequin started out, at the end of the night–

It’s a silver dress, it’s a little bit of a peplum.

Kind of made me look like a little disco ball.

That purple one has been in the garbage

for a solid 15 years.

So is the wedding and marriage from that one.

I have definitely had the bridesmaid up-do.

They looked like a mix between a synchronized swimmer,

and then Lizzy Maguire.

No, I’ve never had a bridesmaid up-do before.

Trying on bridesmaid dresses has been really awkward.

I’ve seen people go in and get really upset,

being like, oh this is double the size,

or triple the size of a normal dress that I would wear.

I feel like bridesmaid dresses run big.

I feel like when I try on dresses, they always

run a little small, usually.

Because they know you’re gonna have to alter them

anyway, and someone’s gonna get paid to make

them smaller for you.

I’m a little bit smaller than the smallest

bridesmaid dress, so anything in-store they have to

kind of clip and be like, it probably will look fine.

I’ve really broad shoulders and I’m really tall,

so finding something that not only makes my

shoulders look not so broad, and is not hiking up

with my long legs, that’s my biggest problem.

I have a very large chest.

I’ve had straps added to my dress before.

I’ve had boning put in to help up the girls.

The problem sometimes is that you get

a sweetheart neckline for your bridesmaids dress,

and that is really difficult for me,

with a larger bust, because you can’t really

find a good strapless bra.

Like Rose with the mermaid skirt, those trumpet dresses,

I have to size up to fit the rest of me,

and it makes it for a lot of alterations.

I would personally prefer a short dress,

because I am about five feet tall on a good day.

I’m usually larger than the other bridesmaids

when I’m in a wedding.

It can take a lot to find a dress that fits me well.

If you’re the only plus-size girl,

the worst part of it is usually the person

who works at the store.

Because they seem a little stunned that I showed up

even though we normally tell them what size I am

before I got there.

They don’t normally have anything I can try on.

As a plus-size woman, it was always dreadful

having to go into stores that wouldn’t have my size,

and sit there and kind of like pretend

it didn’t bother me, and joke.

It’s hard not to feel excluded when you go in there

and you just can’t even get the dress

that you’re supposed to wear.

It’s like people who make these dresses

don’t want us at the wedding.

They want us to hide in the background,

because they don’t want us to have a dress.

It’s nice to have options that are cute for me,

and that are form-fitting, and still make me look

(beep) fabulous!

I’ve never gotten to wear my dress again.

Never worn my bridesmaid dresses again.

Never worn any of my dresses again.

Never wore the thing again.

Yes, I’ve worn a bridesmaids dress again.

I wore it for an Improv event where I walked

into the ocean, and essentially ruined it.

I actually think I’m going to wear my

bridesmaids dresses again to other weddings

that I’m just a guest at.

I’ve never caught the bouquet.

I’d love to catch the bouquet.

I think it’s one of the most fun things,

that you’re like, all right I’m next!

But I’m not done, I’m going to catch it.

Part of me wants to do it just to be like

oh my god, I caught the bouquet!

But Mama enjoys being single right now.

It’s me and my dog.

A lot of people have so much stress around weddings

and the size they are, and dieting beforehand,

and how they’re going to look in pictures.

At the end of the day, it’s gonna be a fabulous time.

You’re gonna look gorgeous no matter what,

because you’re having a great time.

You are going to dance.

You are going to drink.

You are going to hopefully make out

with one of the cute groomsmen, if things are going right.

You get all those perks.

Banging limo ride, getting a nice guy on your arm.

I went to a bachelorette party with strippers,

male strippers, and we had a blast.

On a bachelorette weekend we went to Vegas.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I can’t tell you too much about it.

I feel like you really get to know the bride.

Dance floor, hands down.

Give me a dance floor, all day, all night,

I’m a be on it.

Your friend is about to go through

the best day of her life

because she found someone that she’s excited to be with,

and you get to be there and celebrate that

with her, and that’s the best time to have.

It’s probably one of the most fun,

girl squad experiences you can have.

And a dance floor.

All for me.